What do I do, now that I have to lie to the one person I could always be honest with?
I’ve been wanting to blog about this for awhile but I’ve had no idea how to approach this sensitive problem. So I turned to the internet for help.
I like it. Especially the line graph, that’s eerily accurate.
My best friend is male and has known me for years. He may be neurotypical, but I’ve never felt like I’ve had to explain myself to him for any reason. Such friendships are rare these days.
Him getting a girlfriend – and changing the friendship dynamic – is something I was going to have to deal with at sometime. The self entitled part of my personality doesn’t like it but realistically, it’s well within his right to do so, and I was just going to have to be supportive.
Well, recently that’s precisely what happened. The BFF took me aside and told me about a girl he’d met, let’s call her Ali, and that he wanted the three of us to hang out. He told me that she’s an older woman, attractive, and they had been hooking up. He then showed me this text message:
Hey babe, buying scarves 4 all the bite marks u left on me xx ;)
Ewwwww. Ok, WTF? Even I know sharing sexy texts with your best mates is bad manners. But it did at least give me a mild warning for what I would be subjected to the next day.
So, the next day at BFF’s place, I’m awaiting her arrival, hoping I make an ok impression. Given that I would be spending a lot of time around this girl, it would make things awkward if she didn’t like me.
Then when she arrived I did, I’ll admit, nearly screw things up immediately.
Ali: *sensuously* hey babe, like my new scarf?
Me: *hysterical laughter*
The BFF shot me an alarmed look and I remembered I wasn’t supposed to know why that was funny…oops.
We were introduced and then she started talking. All I could think was “please God, make it stop.”
Look, they say it takes one to know one, right? I knew straight away that this girl was all sorts of issues. Now I am the last person to place blame on someone for being mentally ill. What I don’t like is when someone is mentally unstable, does nothing about it, and then inflicts their illness on others to get attention.
Ali’s conversation has a certain pattern – we talk about her being injured/ill/overwhelmed. Then we hear about how she heroically over came set obstacle. Then we hear an ‘interesting’ fact about something she’s good at. It’s always on her – if conversation moves away from her, she brings it back somehow. And it’s always the heavy stuff. In the space of about 3 hours, I found this about her -
- she’s asthmatic
- she was hospitalized for whooping cough for two weeks
- She had surgery on her hip and couldn’t walk for six months
- She’s dyslexic
- She has OCD (allegedly)
- She has celiac disease (allegedly)
- She has ehland syndrome
- She has chronic hiccups (allegedly)
- She was once hospitalized for a nervous breakdown (oh I’m sorry, that is not something you should find out about someone you’ve just met!)
- She has had various breaks and sprains that impacted her detrimentally (too many to name here)
Basically, the girl’s self esteem is so poor she needs attention and validation constantly. See, this is also what I know about her, that the BFF told me because she never talks about these things. She is 25, but still lives at home. She moved back there shortly after her last nervous breakdown and still hasn’t left. She went to business college after high school, and has had countless office jobs but never for more than a few months. This is probably why she had to move states and apply for university – had to go by open foundation because her grades from school weren’t good enough.
Ali’s life has been hard, I can admit. By portraying herself as a tragic heroine she creates more positive image of herself than the reality - due to her physical and mental illnesses she’s an adult who never really grew up and learned to be independant. I know so many like her. Heck, I was her. Like me, she’s probably angry at herself for not working things out like most people our age have.
Yet still she refuses to acknowledge her limitations and she puts herself in situations where she can’t win, because you’ve gotta love a girl for trying, haven’t you?
Ummmm…no. Like I said, I can’t blame Ali for her hardship, but I can blame her for creating drama. Now, let’s think back to that slide show from the lovely folks at college humour. I would change one thing on their presentation to suit my circumstances, on slide three.
“You make my friend angry with your bull**** shenanigans.”
“then I have to deal with him.”
More like,
“You make my friend worry with your bull**** shenanigans.”
“Then I have to deal with him. Not. Cool.”
I suppose I should address the ‘allegedly’ I put on the list of Ali’s ailments.
I think she’s…well, not lying. I believe she’s exaggerating within believable limits, if you will, to make some of her issues sound more serious. If I didn’t have a medical background - and have some of these problems myself – I probably wouldn’t pick it up. Although the fact that most of her problems seem to be self diagnosed should tip my friend off that Ali’s biggest health issue is her hypochondria (or Munchausen syndrome, I can’t tell at this point.)
But the BFF eats this all up and worries about her. Then I have to listen to him worry. Again, not. Cool.
Later, I took the time to think about my feelings, and to figure out if my rising distaste for this girl was fair. Was it just jealousy that I have to ‘share’ BFF with her? Are my standards for a suitable girl for him just too high? Or am I intimidated by her, that she openly and eagerly talks about her mental health battle, yet I don’t feel as though I can (and should) share mine?
I don’t know what our other friends think, and I’m too afraid to ask in case I am just being petty. But one thing is for sure – I have to deal with her somehow, in a constructive way that doesn’t create tension with her or BFF.
Now, if I could just figure out how to be constructive.
Voyager
